Light Bulbs

Someone sent me a bit of humor which made me practically bust a gut laughing. The following is not intended to hurt anyone’s feelings, it’s just meant to be funny.

HOW MANY CHRISTIANS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?

Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.

Pentecostal: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.

Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including: incandescent, fluorescent three way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None. Lutherans don’t believe in change.

Amish: What’s a light bulb?

Saint Francis of Assisi

Well, I am still letting God work on me. Thanks to all of you who have posted here or emailed me to let me know you are praying for me — it helps! Something else that has given me some comfort is a prayer from Saint Francis of Assisi:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Humility

It’s been a few days since my last entry. I’ve been going through a time in which God is breaking me of some bad patterns in my life. It hurts very badly, but I pray that all of this is going to make me a more humble person, and a better leader. This morning I was reading in the book of James:

“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.” (James 4:10)

I am humbling myself before Him and before others … I’ll let you know how it turns out.

Anxiety, Shaving, and the ER

A couple of days ago I landed in the emergency room. As a result of an anxiety attack, I began to have trouble breathing and experienced chest pains, so they loaded me in an ambulance and rushed me to the hospital. It’s amazing the presence of mind you can have when a scary experience like this happens. I fell out of the chair I was sitting in but managed to hit the speed dial on my cell phone and call one of the members of my team, gasping out that I couldn’t breathe.

In the ER, they began to prep me for an EKG so they could check out my heart. There they experienced a minor problem. To put it bluntly, I am a pretty hairy individual. In order to attach the electrodes, they had to shave patches of my chest. The nurse had a bit of trouble with the cheap, disposable razor she was using to shave me. It’s there where a conversation occured which in retrospect seems pretty surreal considering the circumstances.

NURSE: (shaking her head) These razors … they don’t work.

ME: (whispering) I know.

NURSE: So you know what I mean?

ME: (managing to nod, still whispering) Yeah. That’s why I don’t buy them.

NURSE: So what do you use?

ME: Gillete Mach 3 … it has a lubricant strip.

As a closing note, the patches that she shaved have begun to itch terribly. You’d think they could have used some lotion or something.

Photographing America

In the 11 months I have been leading the Liberated Wailing Wall, I’ve had the opportunity to take hundreds of photos of all parts of the US & Canada. I’ve put them in an online gallery called Shutterfly. Here is a link to the latest update:

http://share.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=EeAtWLRu0ctnvw

Kathleen and I … aren’t we the most obnoxiously cute couple?

The Power of Words … and THE Word

Recently, for the first time since 8th grade, I read the book “Where The Red Fern Grows.” If you’re not familiar with it, it’s the story of a young boy growing up in the backwoods of the Ozark Mountains. His dream is to own a couple of coon hounds, and he saves for 2 years to buy them. Most of the book is about his escapades with the two hounds, Old Dan and Little Ann. What amazed me about re-reading this novel as a believer in Jesus is how present God and prayer are throughout the book. Over and over, the narrator thanks God for blessings, or prays and has his prayers answered. There is even a very biblical notion of self-sacrifice in the book. SPOILER WARNING: if you haven’t read the book, stop reading the rest of this paragraph! As I reached the point in the book where one of the dogs gives up his life for the boy, I found myself having the same reaction I did when reading it in 8th grade. To wit, I bawled like a baby.

What struck me about this experience is the power of those written words to affect me all over again. I mean, I knew what was coming, but it hit me just the same. It’s amazing how a good book can do this to us. It’s what makes the difference between something like “Where The Red Fern Grows” and the forgettable piece of disposable fiction I picked up last week. At this point I couldn’t even tell you what the plot of the latter is, but I will always remember the latter.

Good fiction affects me powerfully because of the power of words, but it’s nothing compared to the effect of the Word of God. Recently I’ve had a lot of struggles and a lot of weight on my shoulders. Truthfully, I haven’t dealt with it well at all. General stress and extreme anxiety over some not insignificant health issues have caused me to be in a bad mood and to take it out on others — specifically those I lead. It’s in turning to the Scriptures that I usually find myself able to move past the struggles, and to muster up the courage to make amends to others. As I was reading and praying, I remembered some very powerful words:

“The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, Because he trusts in You.” (Isaiah 26:3 )

I’m trusting in Him, because it’s all I can do.

Waiting In The Doctor’s Office

Since traveling with the Liberated Wailing Wall often means being in a different city each day, getting to see a doctor can be problematic. Even more problematic when you have diabetes. Recently my blood sugars took a sharp rise, so I went to a walk-in clinic to at least see if one of the doctors could give me some clue as to how to help the situation.

Is there a rule that says they have to keep you waiting for a long time? What’s with that? This clinic was far from busy, and quite honestly, by the time that the doctor saw me, he could have taken a fasting blood test quite easily. Once I had read through a 2-year old issue of Newsweek, in order to pass the time I started thinking of some other places that one has to wait in line.

Movie theaters: well, there’s always Fandango.com or the like. You don’t HAVE to wait.

Deli or bakery counters: you take a number. At least you get an idea of how many people are in front of you.

The DMV: well, let’s face it, you go in knowing that the front door is a portal straight to Hades, now don’t you??